Quirks are not always quirks

So... my now 12.8 year old daughter has always been quirky.  She is smart, can be funny (more like punny actually), has strong emotions when they suit her ;) and is the most "herself" person I ever met.  She has also been very slow to make friends, has very severe time limits in how long she will interact with friends...she needs a lot of "me time" where she's in her room or just away from everyone. 

That doesn't mean she doesn't want friends, or won't try to make friends.  She has just never gotten how to maintain friends.  This was odd to me, I am a friend maker, a people collector, if you will.  I can be ridiculously unpleasant, and yet people still seem to like me; I am lucky.  I assumed that my girl was more like her dad, who is really OK with me being the social resource of our family,  My one brother is very similar to me, in that, being a people collector.  It's just something we are so while it made an alarm chirp, it wasn't a full on fire alarm.

Regardless, my girl struggled with friendships.  I remember her at day camp one year when she was maybe 4.... she had an altercation with another kid, since SHE wanted to play with "Jane" and Jane wanted to go do something else.  My girl wrapped Jane up in a soccer net to make sure she would play with her.  Of course we had the discussion that she can't FORCE people to play with her, and she seemed to understand (as far as I am aware there have been no further imprisonment of  potential playmates...)  This social issue continued to come up for me, but my hubby wasn't concerned and she didn't have any bigger issues that we were aware of at school.  She made a few friends over the course of the years, and in one neighborhood, kids were always in and out of our house (pretty much b/c I kept a bowl of candy on the table and let them watch tv lol), and my girl would play until she didn't want to and then *I* was entertaining the 5-6-7-8 year old children while she was away on "me time" ... Something else that I have thought different, she can't remember (or doesn't care to remember) many people's names. Girls in her GS troop - except for the one who is one of my dear friend's daughter's, it is a chore for her to remember anyone's name.  We have been with this troop for 2 years now.  Quirks. 

This academic year began her journey into middle school.  6th grade. Her homeroom and LA teacher (a giant hunky former pro basketball player who is adorable and kind) told us all at the beginning that no 6th grader is cool and they better all get over it and give each other a break.  My girl is definitely not cool, and then she stopped achieving at least to her standard, as well.  First quarter grades and comments were what we expected of her. A's in LA, art, Humanities (social studies), Spanish and high b's in everything else.  "Excellent writer, has good ideas, thought process" "wonderful student"
Second quarter crashed into our house like a runaway train though.  D- in her previously A+ classes, no homework being turned in, class work turned in late.  "I forgot" or "I don't remember your telling me to do that" or "I didn't get that assignment" was the chorus of our lives.  Social struggles continued with her main friend telling her she didn't care if my girl liked her or not, and if my girl didn't like it she should stop trying to be friends.

Crash and burn honestly.  I started contacting teachers and guidance counselor for suggestions, support and to find out how I can help.  All were responsive and helpful.  At the end of the day I sought private therapy for my girl though, since my concern was more on the social aspect (and it is actually what started us down our current path). Fast Forward 4 months, multiple tests with a pediatrician, neuropsychologist and occupational therapist and we have diagnoses (wait for it... drum rolllllll) Autism Spectrum Disorder, high functioning (which feels like a misnomer), ADHD dual (inattentive and hyperactive) and Dysgraphia.   This diagnosis indicates that intellectually and (mostly) academically she should be able to cope with standard (NeuroTypical) class work, but she'll need some support.  The Neuropsychologist indicated that a 504 should be enough, to give her some accommodations for test taking, additional time for written work and a few other things to support her.  The Child Study team agreed - wholeheartedly - that she doesn't qualify for an IEP, that she doesn't need special education, just accommodations.  My bigger concern is that as we head into 7th grade and the class work becomes not only more rigorous but more collaborative, how will 504 (or any plan, really) support a child who has severe social interaction and pragmatic language deficits to succeed?   The school year is looming and I have already started to make the calls and emails to get this 504 in place. I have already had to use the threat of "our advocate" to get this back on track.  We have therapist appointments (most paying out of pocket - because find someone who is in-network and has availability for OT and autism support) several times a week now, with more appointments coming with the school year and social skills classes and no services available to us through the school.  

I want my child to be her own, atypical, honest, in your face and fantastically creative self.  I just want her to have the best possible experience .... so this is the beginning of our journey.  Won't you join us?